Hey. This post is for people who are looking for how to deal with depression. It is for the victim as well as the family members. Before you start jumping on to the conclusions in the last paragraphs, I really want you to know this that there is no cure for depression. You can not cure it, you can only manage it but hey I don’t want you to lose hope and let me tell you, there is a solution. We can’t cure depression but we can definitely help each other to survive it. I believe in the power of healing. It is going to be the longest post so bear with me. It is not for sympathy, it is not for attention. It is upfront and close, the most sensitive part of my life indeed.
My mother, she was diagnosed with bipolar depression 20 years back, before even I was born. A beautiful lady with long and thick black hair, striking and graceful. She was sensitive and shy. She did not realize how charming she was and what each person in my family tells me about her is that she was extremely sharp minded, the A-grade student who dreamt of becoming a doctor. She was a great public speaker with a beautiful handwriting. She was a great artist as she was fond of paintings and drawings. An extremely creative person. What went wrong? I have no idea. Doctors tell me that it can happen to anybody. It is all about the imbalance of chemicals in your brain.
How to deal with depression (1)
Depression is painful. Depression is one of the most dangerous things. I came back home this June, this time it was serious. I thought that this episode will end soon in a week or two. ( Episodes are major in bipolar depression, a person becomes completely numb and there is a need of hospitalization) It is September now and my mother is still battling. I have not seen the light yet. She is suffering from extreme lows and highs. She is on antipsychotics. I have literally gone to each and every doctor in my city, they have clearly stated that there is no cure for depression in the science.
I want to make it clear that I am not talking about mild depression or anxiety. I am talking about severe depression here. It is like completely losing the alignment with the reality.
I love everything about my life. My struggles, my failures, my success. Every damn thing. I am that person who can’t even waste a single day. I love productivity and coming in this situation of my life, I had to leave everything back, every notion, friendships, career and a lot more. I hated it because I was going through a very sensitive phase. Seeing your mother in pain is the most difficult and painful thing in life. I saw her sitting in one place, staring at the wall continuously for hours and hours. It had hurt my core. I can’t explain the pain.
You know the worst part about the pain? It becomes deeper. It made me numb followed by the negative energy. I did not complain to God for putting me in this situation. No, not even for once. I just questioned him about my mother. Why a mother, who is the most delicate thing in this world, has to go through so much pain and suffering. Is it about Karma? Is it about genes? Is it about your real nature. Did my mom invite her suffering? Well, lots of questions and breakdown.
She is still not fine. I am not writing all this because I am in the best of my spirits and health. I am writing because, at this point, I can exactly share with you all, the depth of this disease. It not only hurts the victim but also the family.
We have managed to make peace with what life has thrown at us. These months, I wake up at 5 am and sleep at 2 am. I cook for her and dad. I do everything on my own because I can’t trust anyone on this. She demands too much love, care, and a healthy diet. I have cried my heart out every night to feel lighter. I know how it feels. I know how much it hurts. I know how it can bring isolation. I know how it feels every day when you wake up in the morning with a heavy heart. Life was not just about the excitement, your job, your friends etc. It changed in a day. The first two months i.e June and July were full of low vibrations and I have been really low.
You can’t stay positive, you can’t focus on your things, you will start isolating yourself. Being in the same situation for a very long time can make you fragile and hopeless. Even the most positive and motivated soul can break down.
We tried everything. Medications, naturopathy, CBT, ECT etc. The common thing that we heard of was that this will take time. Maybe months. Maybe years. With age and time, it gets worse. Now what? That was it? Doctors showed no confidence because this was a challenging case and I am not sorry to say that doctors these days avoid such cases and they just want easy cases. Life is mean. Why me? My whole universe shattered. Whom do I call? It felt like I am running and running but there is no destination. When will I see her smile again, when would my real mom come back to me? When would she come to my room and ask if I need something if I need her? Painful.
Days went on like this. Negativity, guilt, sadness. All sorts of emotions. There comes a point in your life when you feel tired of looking at yourself in so much pain. Like, I know how it affects your health mentally and physically at times. The truth of life is nobody is going to heal you. No one. It is your battle. It is about you. It affects no one but you. The world is celebrating, it suddenly feels like the whole world has conspired to make you feel even worse about your current situation. The god damn social media.
This was it. Who said that life is going to be easy and neutral? It is going to get really difficult with time. Do we stop living? Do we end our lives? No. The situation I created for myself was actually like that. Pretty lifeless. I don’t carry the emotions of jealousy or hatred. Just not me. I just felt, people forgot me and they cared less. It’s not them. It’s your own world and thoughts that make you think like that.
I called my dad at 1 am and started talking to him randomly. I strictly told him to take care of his diet because I saw his health going down day by day. He is really strong. He does not say much but he is always there. I became his mother. I knew at that time that if I understand everything about my situation then why not take a charge and do each and every task and perform every responsibility because I remember telling God in all the prayers I made in my life that please if I can do anything for my parents, give me a chance to do. The time has come. The toughest time. The time when I can give them all my time and dedication. There is a power in the prayers and the almighty does what he feels right for his children. Why worry beyond the limit when you can’t do anything about your problem.
Life can be mean but this is how it works. You can not change the rules of the universe. You are here for a purpose and there is a time limit. Easier said than done but I want you to know that we are battling with our own troubles that are beyond painful. Please be a little nicer towards mentally ill patients. They haven’t chosen this for themselves. It is about the brain and there is nothing you can do about it. It can consume the person as well as the whole family. It is as painful as cancer. It is a mind cancer.
Life will give you more and we have to keep holding onto our faith tightly. Don’t forget caring about yourself, please. It’s not selfish. You deserve a better life. While taking care of your parent, you can still live your life the way you wanted to. It is a long test. It is a long game. I don’t know when the sufferings end, all I know is we need to keep going.
How to deal with depression (2)
I will be writing more about Depression because I have gone through a lot, I have learned a lot in these months. The awareness is less and I don’t want you to suffer and wander with no hope. I can help. I know about the doctors in the NCR. I know about the medicines. I can explain you about Bipolar depression, schizophrenia, and other severe mental diseases. Every second is a battle. You are not alone. I will soon make a community and a WhatsApp group where we can organize a meetup and talk about the experiences. Life is too short to cry. Pick up the broken pieces and fight it because one day you will realize that you did your best to protect your parent and they were not alone.
It is a cliche that you learn a lot from the hardest times. No, it is so true. You learn to face a difficulty with utmost patience. There will be days when you will see a hope and there will be days when there is no ray of hope. Nobody will come to rescue you. Stop living in a dreamy world. It’s your battle. It’s your journey. We get too weak and sometimes it just tears you apart. That’s just human. You can cry as much as you want. It makes your heart lighter but do not compromise with your health. Take care of your family. Protect them. There is magic in the prayers and blessings. One day, you will be so proud of the fact that you did not give up on life. You will get everything back. For now, stay strong. Headstrong.
The pressure can be too much. I insist you to please live a normal life. Do what you love. Take one hour in a day for yourself. Nothing will change if you stay in that black hole of guilt and sadness. Go out. Don’t think the world is selfish. It’s the same. Follow a healthy diet with a workout. Change everything. Your hormones can trigger your thoughts. Initially, it will be really difficult. Don’t stop. Develop healthy habits for a healthy life. There are no different rules. Start waking up early. Do some brainstorming. Let’s not complain now. Do something about your current situation and pray for your loved one. I believe in the vibrations.
I will definitely give you all that I can give you in terms of my knowledge and experience.
You are not alone. To become the part of the family. Mail me your contact number, this group will be strictly about the Depression survivors or the family members. You will get a lot of help because all you need is right people to talk to.
When no one gets your vision, it’s because God didn’t give it to them. He gave it to you.
Sharing your story will bless others.